I can still remember sitting in one of my very first therapy sessions, right across from my therapist Peggy. I was talking to her about how I hadn’t trusted my instincts in a particular situation when I really should have known better. I went on and on complaining to her about the (unfavorable) outcome until she interrupted me to say, “Always trust yourself!”

Something shifted in me in that moment. It was as if I had been asleep and suddenly I was shaken wide awake. Her words actually startled me. Partly because my generally soft spoken therapist was suddenly so insistent, but also in part because I recognized that, not only had I not been trusting myself for a very long time, but I wasn’t even sure I knew what it felt like to trust myself any more. I vowed right then and there to start trusting myself again.

It wasn’t an overnight process, but slowly and surely I began to getting back in tune with myself. In some ways, it was  a process of getting to know myself all over again. Before long, I was back on track and making decisions with my gut that I knew were best for me. And it felt really good.

Now, as a coach, guiding others to trust themselves is a big part of the job. One thing I know to be true is that we all know deep down what’s best for us. Most of us have simply been relying on the opinions of others for far too long that we’ve lost faith in our ability to trust in ourselves.

Feeling a little disconnected and wanting to learn how to start trusting yourself again? Here are my tips!

Tip #1

First of all, recognize that you can trust yourself. Most of us (myself included) are much too hard on ourselves, especially when it comes to letting go of stuff from our past. We focus on mistakes that we’ve made or hold onto guilt or shame from past choices we’ve made. “I messed that up in the past,” we think to ourselves, “so how can I possibly do any better this time around?”

We’re all human beings and we’re all learning all of the time. Just because you made a poor decision in the past doesn’t mean you’re flawed. If you learned from the situation and moved on then it served it’s purpose. The problem isn’t that you cant trust yourself. The problem is actually that you think you can’t trust yourself because you’ve identified with your ego’s story of who you are. You’ve identified so strongly with beliefs such as “I’m irresponsible,” or “I’m not smart enough,” or “I don’t make good decisions on my own,” or whatever negative ideas you’ve been carrying around that those ideas have literally become a part of you.

The whole process of spiritual awakening (or therapy or coaching or personal growth) is the stripping away of these preconceived notions to reveal the you who you truly are. The good news is: the negative beliefs you have about yourself can be changed. Start to challenge these tired old beliefs and replace them with new ones that serve you better. For example, if the belief that’s holding you back from trusting yourself is “I’m irresponsible,” think back to a time in your life when you made a responsible decision and things went well. Make a list of as many as you can think of and refer to it whenever you need a little reminder.

Tip # 2

Re-connect with yourself. If you’re feeling confused or out of touch with yourself, chances are you’ve been spending too much time lost in anxious or fearful thoughts which has simply made it difficult for your inner guidance to come through. This is where practices like meditation comes in. Meditation provides a solid foundation for trusting yourself because it helps you tune into who you truly are. It’s a relaxation practice, sure, but it’s also the space where you can come back to your center and check in with your thoughts and feelings about a situation. Through meditation, we allow our anxious and fearful thoughts to dissipate and reconnect with our inner guidance. If you’re new to meditation, try spending at least 5 minutes in the morning and a few minutes at night sitting in stillness and just tuning into yourself. I promise you’ll feel some benefits!

Tip # 3

Get out there and practice! In order to learn how it feels to start trusting yourself again, you have to take action. I know that can be scary, especially if you’re in a state of uncertainty, but if you allow yourself to stay stuck in indecision how will you ever learn what it feels like to trust? You have nothing to go on! Start by making little decisions by yourself without consulting anyone until you build your confidence for the big stuff.  Don’t be afraid to make ‘mistakes.’ Remember: life is a process and you are always on your path. There are infinite ways to get from point A to point B. Even if you stray, keep tuning in and your inner compass will guide you back.

I hope this serves you. If you have any tips for trusting yourself I’d love for you to share in the comments section!

xoxo

Kristi